One of the things I’ve learned is that loyalty often survives long past the point where capacity has already been revealed.
People and systems both leave signals—through behavior, follow-through, responsiveness, and what they do under strain. Some of the deepest changes in my life came when I stopped overriding those signals and withdrew my energy from what was not actually serving me.
fuck yes, avalon. 🙌🏼 what you show here is exactly where the real work lives. in those tiny moments where the old reflex kicks in and you catch it before it runs the script. those little choices are everything. and honestly, more writing and discussions need to show this part: how conditioning actually lives in everyday interactions, in the body, in reflexes that fire before we even realize what’s happening.
that moment where you slowed down and saw the machinery warming up… that’s the work. that’s the deconditioning. you feel the reflex, and then you interrupt it. and the wild part is it keeps showing up. again and again. like whack-a-mole. the pattern pops up somewhere new and you catch it again. another glitch in the programming. that’s how the system actually starts to lose its grip. not through big declarations, but through these small interruptions in real time in embodied practice. this is how we change culture.
also the way you braided this through thelma & louise, the dm exchange, and the larger system was just… fire. 🔥
Thank you, Alexandra, for reading and being such an integral part of this larger conversation. I have such massive respect for your writing, and there is something about being in this particular space together yet in our own ways that feels so necessary — each of us coming at it from a different angle, yet marking the same territory. Exposing roots is it — it's the only place things actually change. And the whack-a-mole image is so appropriate. From one writer to another, your comment truly made my day. And people, if you are not subscribed to this human's work and you like mine, you must. 🔥🙏🏼🌱
that means a lot, avalon. i feel the same sense of respect for your writing and agree about the shared territory. different angles, same root system. there’s something powerful about multiple writers naming these patterns from different directions at the same time.
and yes. the whack-a-mole dynamic is real. the patterns keep resurfacing in new disguises, which is why the root work matters so much. imo, it is critical to have some humor in deconstruction work. i get a good laugh and a bit of pleasure any time i catch the matrix glitching inside me. it might actually be a kink for me at this point. ha!
i’m really enjoy being in conversation with you. thank you for your brilliant and brave work.
I spit out my coffee at the kink mention — because I was thinking along the same lines the other day. It's such a perfect lens, and great offramp IRL. I had extra fun writing the Daddy praise bit in this piece — because honestly, I have no trouble going into full performance mode when we both know it's a scene. I’d just like to be on the same page that this is what’s happening - ha! 😉 🌱
Yes Yes — and the wild part is it keeps showing up, again and again …
me being Bill Murray in my own “Groundhog Day”. But instead of an almost infinity of deaths condensed into one hour … I live thru (and FEEL!!!!) each and every death and then the waking up to that radio alarm … but I don’t know (I CAN’T know!!!) if I “get the girl (REALITY) in the end” … because in REALITY there is no ending … “just” … and this is an universal-sized (and completely sufficient “just”) … there is just this present moment to be curious about and be COMPLETELY uncertain in, except the certainty I walk directly into death … again .… and discover (among a zillion other personally more important things) … I don’t give a flying fuck (ain’t my job) about changing the culture or starving the system … even though I know that’s what’s happening.
And the part about not feeding him anything…it’s so powerful and so hard to trust sometimes that revoking access and energy is truly one of the most powerful important moves.
I’m reminded of Lilith and Sita—they both withdrew their participation from patriarchal bullshit. And they kept themselves. Their wholeness.
This is why it is so important to rewatch some of these movies. I’m shocked by some of the things I notice that didn’t see appalling at the time. We ALL know they drive off of a cliff, but we forget that whole reason why. We treat them like “ridiculous women”.
Same with Dirty Dancing. I didn’t realize what was happening with Penny for a long time. Abortion shouldn’t feel like a bad word.
I was wrote a note this morning that said “one you see it, you can’t unsee it.” It’s true across the board!
Loyalty seem like such a virtue when it's mistaken for goodness. So, recognizing and stepping out of it can feel like a break in character, even when it's a turn toward self.
Absolutely, Hazel, and this is how, I believe, it traps us. Or, at least it trapped me. It was like being inside an escape room, and not even understanding an exit existed. Thanks for being here and commenting. 🌱
Thank you for this utterly clear and powerful piece. I almost didn’t finish it because the rage became so big.
And that part about the man messaging you, declaring he isn’t one of them, only to declare through his actions that he is one of them…good for you. Well done! Well done! ♥️
Five decades into my life and, after massive reluctance, I'm finally allowing this grief in. A threshold we've been conditioned not to cross. ❌
What I'm discovering on the other side is something I didn't expect: immense compassion. Because I'm longer feeling responsible to fix what isn't mine to fix. 🌱
Everyone, this 👆🏼 is my ride or die who sat next to me in the theatre, tears streaming. I love her with every ounce of my heart. Thank you for seeing me, my love, and for being such an irreplaceable part of my own unraveling and remaking.
May everyone have a friend like you in their life. It’s the real thing, no substitutes allowed. 💕🙏🏼🌱
I love this piece so much. Thank you….Im going to have to read and reread it as fuel and encouragement to do my part in the dismantling…even when it feels never ending and hopeless.
Thank you for this powerful piece.
One of the things I’ve learned is that loyalty often survives long past the point where capacity has already been revealed.
People and systems both leave signals—through behavior, follow-through, responsiveness, and what they do under strain. Some of the deepest changes in my life came when I stopped overriding those signals and withdrew my energy from what was not actually serving me.
Loyalty blinds us to those signals.
fuck yes, avalon. 🙌🏼 what you show here is exactly where the real work lives. in those tiny moments where the old reflex kicks in and you catch it before it runs the script. those little choices are everything. and honestly, more writing and discussions need to show this part: how conditioning actually lives in everyday interactions, in the body, in reflexes that fire before we even realize what’s happening.
that moment where you slowed down and saw the machinery warming up… that’s the work. that’s the deconditioning. you feel the reflex, and then you interrupt it. and the wild part is it keeps showing up. again and again. like whack-a-mole. the pattern pops up somewhere new and you catch it again. another glitch in the programming. that’s how the system actually starts to lose its grip. not through big declarations, but through these small interruptions in real time in embodied practice. this is how we change culture.
also the way you braided this through thelma & louise, the dm exchange, and the larger system was just… fire. 🔥
Thank you, Alexandra, for reading and being such an integral part of this larger conversation. I have such massive respect for your writing, and there is something about being in this particular space together yet in our own ways that feels so necessary — each of us coming at it from a different angle, yet marking the same territory. Exposing roots is it — it's the only place things actually change. And the whack-a-mole image is so appropriate. From one writer to another, your comment truly made my day. And people, if you are not subscribed to this human's work and you like mine, you must. 🔥🙏🏼🌱
that means a lot, avalon. i feel the same sense of respect for your writing and agree about the shared territory. different angles, same root system. there’s something powerful about multiple writers naming these patterns from different directions at the same time.
and yes. the whack-a-mole dynamic is real. the patterns keep resurfacing in new disguises, which is why the root work matters so much. imo, it is critical to have some humor in deconstruction work. i get a good laugh and a bit of pleasure any time i catch the matrix glitching inside me. it might actually be a kink for me at this point. ha!
i’m really enjoy being in conversation with you. thank you for your brilliant and brave work.
I spit out my coffee at the kink mention — because I was thinking along the same lines the other day. It's such a perfect lens, and great offramp IRL. I had extra fun writing the Daddy praise bit in this piece — because honestly, I have no trouble going into full performance mode when we both know it's a scene. I’d just like to be on the same page that this is what’s happening - ha! 😉 🌱
ha! 💯
Yes — that moment is THE moment!
Yes Yes — and the wild part is it keeps showing up, again and again …
me being Bill Murray in my own “Groundhog Day”. But instead of an almost infinity of deaths condensed into one hour … I live thru (and FEEL!!!!) each and every death and then the waking up to that radio alarm … but I don’t know (I CAN’T know!!!) if I “get the girl (REALITY) in the end” … because in REALITY there is no ending … “just” … and this is an universal-sized (and completely sufficient “just”) … there is just this present moment to be curious about and be COMPLETELY uncertain in, except the certainty I walk directly into death … again .… and discover (among a zillion other personally more important things) … I don’t give a flying fuck (ain’t my job) about changing the culture or starving the system … even though I know that’s what’s happening.
Wow, this resonates deeply. Oof.
And the part about not feeding him anything…it’s so powerful and so hard to trust sometimes that revoking access and energy is truly one of the most powerful important moves.
I’m reminded of Lilith and Sita—they both withdrew their participation from patriarchal bullshit. And they kept themselves. Their wholeness.
More of me please.
This is why it is so important to rewatch some of these movies. I’m shocked by some of the things I notice that didn’t see appalling at the time. We ALL know they drive off of a cliff, but we forget that whole reason why. We treat them like “ridiculous women”.
Same with Dirty Dancing. I didn’t realize what was happening with Penny for a long time. Abortion shouldn’t feel like a bad word.
I was wrote a note this morning that said “one you see it, you can’t unsee it.” It’s true across the board!
I enjoyed this piece. Thank you!
I think it's time for me to rewatch Dirty Dancing... Thank you for being here and commenting, Jessica 🌱
The What Went Wrong episode on Dirty Dancing was insightful to listen to too.
Oh interesting! Thx
Loyalty seem like such a virtue when it's mistaken for goodness. So, recognizing and stepping out of it can feel like a break in character, even when it's a turn toward self.
Absolutely, Hazel, and this is how, I believe, it traps us. Or, at least it trapped me. It was like being inside an escape room, and not even understanding an exit existed. Thanks for being here and commenting. 🌱
Thank you for this utterly clear and powerful piece. I almost didn’t finish it because the rage became so big.
And that part about the man messaging you, declaring he isn’t one of them, only to declare through his actions that he is one of them…good for you. Well done! Well done! ♥️
Ugh - thank you Lila. So much sitting with rage lately, I think for so many women!
Yes. My dreams are filled with rage pouring out of me.
A grief about men. That describes so much. I’m not angry. I’m grieving. For them and because of them.
Five decades into my life and, after massive reluctance, I'm finally allowing this grief in. A threshold we've been conditioned not to cross. ❌
What I'm discovering on the other side is something I didn't expect: immense compassion. Because I'm longer feeling responsible to fix what isn't mine to fix. 🌱
Thank you. Can’t unsee it,change from the inside and small things. So relatable and important that you continue to express./communicate. Xxx
…you are fire my friend. The focus and clarity in your writing continues to gain strength and momentum. It’s thrilling. It’s beautiful. Thank you.
Everyone, this 👆🏼 is my ride or die who sat next to me in the theatre, tears streaming. I love her with every ounce of my heart. Thank you for seeing me, my love, and for being such an irreplaceable part of my own unraveling and remaking.
May everyone have a friend like you in their life. It’s the real thing, no substitutes allowed. 💕🙏🏼🌱
Oh sweet friend, thank you 🙏
What a gift to watch you find yourself and hold your ground and tune your voice. I love you dearly.
I advocate for letting men handle their own discomfort. My life is better for it.
oh my God 🔥🔥😮💨🔥🔥
Thank you my love, gorgeous anchor, and mutual knower 🌱 🙏🏼 💕
I love this piece so much. Thank you….Im going to have to read and reread it as fuel and encouragement to do my part in the dismantling…even when it feels never ending and hopeless.
Reading while inside a beautiful snow globe, quietly being & agreeing. 🙏
I love this visual, Pamela. Thanks for reading, commenting and being here ❄️
Yes. This is beautiful. Thank you.
You are welcome, Lori, and thank you for being here and commenting. I’m glad it landed for you. 🌱
This. Yes. All of it. Thank you.
You are welcome, Jennifer. And thank you for being here and commenting. I’m glad it resonated 🌱
Wow. Powerful. It made me think.
Thank you, Steve - for reading, commenting, and being willing to be here.